From an article originally posted May 20, 2013…
Sunday night I struggle to sleep. Anxiety builds for Monday mornings dawn and another treatment. But I give thanks this is my last Sunday night. I give thanks that the end is in sight. I’m tired. I’m beginning to feel how extremely tired I really am. So tired a long nap won’t help.
Today Jason preached on fear. I have known great fear this year. Faith has come in grace provided in my moments. But I have struggled. I have succumbed to worry. I haven’t the strength to control my environment anymore. Isn’t that how we minimize fear, with control? Well, I do. And at the end of this strength.... There I find faith again on this road. Not me faith, not fight hard faith, not pick up your bootstraps faith, not even broken, beggarly, help-me faith. But just simple faith. Faith grown in me without me. Faith enriched without my efforts. Faith placed on me, having zero to do with me. Faith that will last when my breath no longer remains. I could never improve it with me. It was only Jesus. The perfect Sunday school answer. It was all Jesus. Only he could break through my exterior of strength in weakness, and grow faith when nothing remains but a weary, weary, weary me. Broken me, loved by perfectly broken Him. It’s enough. It’s enough to help me to bed tonight, and to get me there tomorrow.
