from an article originally posted November 19, 2014…
Yesterday was my first day going to chemo with Kara. The day started out rough—the trouble sliding over from the day before. Kara posted this update on her personal Facebook page: Life is hard.
She deserves to post that update a million times a day.
rom an article originally posted November 10, 2014…
I have a short list of friends, these are the friends I feel I never for one second deserved. Friends that are so utterly given to grace and love I cannot feel anything but blessed by their love and friendship. If I’m honest my list isn’t actually all that short. It’s this long, endless list of people that choose grace, meet and extend love to others, and live from a place of tenderness. I am humbled to know so many. God must know my weak faith and constant need of reminding. God is gathering more and more of these people to my heart daily. These lovers of truth point me towards hope, remind me of goodness, and remember we all need to laugh. Yesterday I received two poems. One was written by my friend John, and another came from Emily Dickinson. Both, well, you’ll see. Both reminded me of goodness.
from an article originally posted November 9, 2014…
Each day is a battle to see, a struggle to learn, a fight against the lies of hopelessness. Each day I wake, I remember my story, then I want to go back to sleep. But through each day, I see so much truth, hope, life, joy that I simply cannot check out of living and fighting for my moments. I enjoy the giggles of my littles, the pleadings for a sleepover, a new toy, a favorite dinner and I’m reminded of the giant little moments in each day. The kids each enter the room with their questions: Mama, did you see this Lego; Daddy what clothes should I wear for today’s weather? Lil bit just slides in next to my warmth until hunger carries her downstairs where Nanny Mickey will capture her with toast. Slowly, I will drink my coffee and read my Bible, and find the strength to get moving beyond my despair. Some days I begin the day faking it for the benefit of my children, and some days I move from my bed with genuine strength and hope for the day. Each day has some mercy to make the moving possible.
from an article originally posted November 6, 2014…
I have been reading through Ephesians. It’s stunning, overwhelming, full of great insight, and a lot of confronting—beautiful confronting of speech and living honestly... My mouth is often my weakness. My words can be sharp, my words can portray false strength, my words can simply hurt. Words, words, words are my struggle when I’m feeling badly. My words are a struggle when I’m feeling weak and sick. Ephesians shines such beautiful light on my struggle with speech. And this morning, this verse showed me my struggle to honestly share, in words, my struggle with cancer. I want to pretend my results are different. I want to fake at strength so everyone else can stop feeling anxious.
from an article originally posted November 3, 2014…
There was a man trying to justify himself to Jesus.... Isn’t that all of us? Justify. Jesus justify us. And that is exactly what the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus has done. It has justified our living, given value to our hurting, and walked with us through our suffering. But a gentleman was struggling with how he should love, what love looked like. The man in Luke 10 came to Jesus, but I love what it says—he came trying to justify himself. I see so much of that in my own response to Brittany, in the response from our culture. We want to reconcile, to understand, to wrap our minds around all that is broken. And we simply can’t. We feel the brokenness of loss, the devastation of disease, and we long to understand all that is circling our minds. We want simple answers, simple harsh responses to those who might disagree with us—no matter where we sit on this issue. We are all hurting. We are all wrestling with the meaning of our breaths, our moments, our suffering, our living.
