There are things in life that are simple, things you can do without thought. Empty the dishwasher, done. Fill each car with gas, boom. Make a meal, pow. But when a person you love is fading, nothing is simple. People who have walked this path tell me that grief is all different but it seems to be all in the same direction.
I find even simple questions very complicated.
"How are you?" was always easy to answer. “Fine” - the perfunctory answer I could once give - simply doesn’t make sense to say anymore.
"Can we meet for lunch Tuesday?"
"What time do you want dinner?"
"Is this your sock?" Well that last one is simple but my answer is "I don't care".
Every decision is like digging in the sand. The energy it takes for simple things is overwhelming.
Most of the time I am ok with questions but sometimes I don't have the energy to dig in the sand. But I appreciate my community waiting patiently as I find an answer for them, which many times is an answer for me. The gentle patience of my community is healing. Their willingness to walk this with me is encouraging.
I am learning that grief takes energy that can't be quantified, my gauge of energy and thought is always on reserve. But in this reserve I see God keeping me from complete empty. I also know that some of my grief is premature, but my wife and my God love me, even in that.
Psalm 73:23: You hold my right hand - and today, that is enough.
Do you wrestle with the mundane in the midst of grief? Do simple tasks frustrate you that were once easy? How are you today friends? How is your heart?
