Carl comes regularly and encourages our entire household. He has been reading through Psalm 119 with me. I want to constantly make him stop and re-read the abundant beauty found in this robust Psalm. It’s simply packed full of the grace I need. If you are struggling- I highly suggest spending a season in this Psalm- one small section at a time.

I have been struggling to see the grace, struggling to feel the bounty, but I know, I know, I know it’s there. My feelings aren’t all that trustworthy- especially when I can’t stop vomiting. I’m not sure there is anything I hate more than vomit.

But my job is to keep looking, keep believing, keep faith that goodness awaits me in this moment and the next- ending at the life everlasting. All bounty. All glorious bounty. You all help me see, you help me remember. Thank you. 

Today my first born is home doing school next to me. She helped situate my pillows, helped find my books, Bible, and she also handed me my vomit bag. I asked her to leave eventually- not wanting her to see my endless heaving… l hate for her to see me so low. But her care, her love, her support of me is the growth in her own story. She is not asked to do the heavy lifting of my illness, but she is not kept at too far a distance either. It’s a tough balance. 

Where are you finding encouragement in scripture? Where do you keep people at a distance- afraid to let them see your suffering? What part is protection- what part is self-preservation. Who do you let really see you?

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