from an article originally posted April 18, 2014…

We are full of sin, but the Savior bids us lift our eyes to him. and as we gaze upon his streaming wounds, each drop of blood, as it falls, cried, It is finished; I have made an end of sin; I have brought in ever-lasting righteousness. Oh! sweet language of the precious blood of Jesus! If you have come to that blood once, you will come to it constantly. Your life will be Looking unto Jesus. Your whole conduct will be epitomized in this: to whom coming. Not to whom I have come, but to whom I am always coming. If though hast ever come to the blood of sprinkling, though wilt feel they need of coming to it every day. He who does not desire to wash in it every day, has never washed in it at all. The believer ever feels it to be his joy and privilege that there is still a fountain opened. Past experiences are doubtful food for Christians; a present coming to Christ alone can give us joy and comfort. This morning let us sprinkle our door-post fresh with blood, and then feast upon the Lamb, assured that the destroying angel must pass us by.

~ Morning & Evening, Charles Haddon Spurgeon

My eyes have grown weary of looking upon suffering. My spirit longs to crawl into the fetal position and weep for what had to happen. I look deeply at my own struggles with this living, this today, this moving through moments and I don’t feel at all worthy of the cross.

I think on the brutality Jesus faced, the scoffing, the torment, the terror, and he quietly received. I am undone. I think of the load, the heavy burden he carried, and I’m weak. I cannot walk a step of my own pain without grumblings and pleadings for it to stop. And he groaned, and walked, and struggled, but kept going. The kindness of Jesus—who in that moment thought of me. He carried a burden I will never know, so in my struggle, my tiny struggle, I can know peace.

Christ alone, Christ alone could have journeyed and marked my door with his righteousness, and told death,  This one is not dying. She is mine. His blood marks the doorposts of my living, and He alone grants my face to be lifted and loved. And when that quiet day comes, when Jesus comes to take me home to be with him, I will know his tear-streaked, blood-stained face that died and overcame death to love me.

Do you know this love today? It’s a hard love to look upon. Do you see the path to death that was marked for you? The suffering is hard to look upon. The pain received so you will never have to know pain was spilled so you can know a love beyond all love? For you. Look closely upon Jesus. Look upon the kindness in his quiet. The kindness when the moment Jesus could have rained down justice upon all that was wrong. As they cried, Kill him, He silently loved them. As my sin cried, Who is this Jesus, He loved me with love only God could love me with. He looked at my jeers and simply answer: Kara, daughter of the King, YOU ARE MINE! That love, that unbelievable love is too high, too deep, too wide, and too long for me to grasp, but in all my remaining days, I will continue to grasp it, understand it, share it! So today, I feast upon a death that I could never die so that one day, in my dying, I will experience real life.

Abba Daddy, there is so much of today we cannot understand. We hurt for the pain of today that you willingly endured, and yet you go with us in our suffering big and small. Help us to be faithful, fearlessly walking as your sons and daughters. We cannot wrap our thoughts around the path of destruction you walked to love us. It’s simply beyond our ability to understand, and yet  we receive it. Thank you for the struggles and suffering you provide that we may glorify you. Help our lives be a living testimony to your goodness. And Jesus, please forgive me. I fail daily. I fail in giant and small ways. I grumble, I complain, and I struggle to get up and walk in the day you have before me. I feel my pain, despair, and forget the goodness you have waiting for me. Forgive me. I see today before me, help me live it well. Please keep your journey toward the cross ever before me today. Make my feeble mind to understand that kind of love. And when Sunday comes, let me be the first to scream to the ends of the earth, He’s alive! He’s Alive! Death could not keep Jesus down. And let us all walk boldly in the resurrection power as we face each new day with the mercy You always provide. Help us each to walk the steps you have ordained for us in faith. Always remembering, always thankful, always knowing our need of you as we face each breath. Amen, Amen, and Amen.