It’s breast cancer awareness month, and we’ll all be seeing a lot of pink around us. I can admit that when Kara was sick, I used to get a bit cranky about all of the pink. I would wonder why we needed a reminder about breast cancer. Doesn’t everyone know someone who’s had it or is currently dealing with it? I didn’t need a ribbon to prompt me to think about such a devastating disease.

Dear School Mamas,

As I thought about the school year approaching, I remembered back to when my daughter started kindergarten. We'd done preschool two mornings a week before that, but there's something different about kindergarten. There's something scary about brand new beginnings and new schools and that feeling that we have no idea what we're doing. I remember looking around...I could tell which parents had older children that had gone to our school before. They knew which way to go for pick up. They knew each other. I sat in my car and just observed. I wondered if I would ever feel like I belonged at this school. Eventually, I did. But it wasn't overnight. It took time. Just as any relationship take time, growing community at your school will be the same. Maybe you're an overnight grower. That's how Kara was. But some of us are not that way. We take more than 2 minutes to feel as if we've been best friends for life. :) I am not saying that you will certainly find your people at your child's school. But you might. Especially if you are open. If you stay 5 minutes and talk to one another and get to know each other. There can be beautiful community to be found.

When something unexpected comes along in my life and disrupts my plans, I am quick to panic. Why this particular roadblock? Why now? How am I supposed to handle this? And what good could possibly come of this situation? My questions are rapid-fire.

But instead of reaching for faith, I often travel down the wrong fork in the road.

I often choose to doubt.

At our school we have a 6th grade camp. There are no parents—just counselors and teachers. The kids go off for 3 days and 2 nights. They try some new outdoor activities and have a blast. We've been planning for it all year, but as it neared, I think everyone got a little bit nervous. Kids and parents alike. It's not that we're unable to be separated, it's just that we love these kids and we miss them when they're gone. I admit to being this pathetic parent!

My heart is pounding in my chest. It’s a thrumming, I guess. The rhythm that tells me something is wrong. Something (or someone) is anxious. The thin film of moisture coats the sides of my eyes, but I blink and blink, not letting it loose.

I don’t wanna. A two year old lives inside me, and she does not want to do the next thing. The next thing is hard and painful. She’d rather grab her favorite toy and play in the closet among her mom’s shoes, hiding from the world.