Kara’s Collection: I just knowed, Mommy...

from an article originally posted June 16, 2014...

Yesterday, my dear Blythe wrote me a letter. A paper and pencil, put on a stamp, beautiful handwritten letter. It was a gift. A beautiful gift. When I saw the letter in the mailbox, I knew I was holding a treasure. I was tired, deeply tired from my hard week. I quietly took my letter up to my bedroom, hid under the covers, and opened my treasure. I cried. I cried and cried.

Blythe read my post about being a keeper. Blythe knew my heart on a level few could know my heart. She explained what it is to lose parents impossibly early. But she reminded me of the keepers in her life. The ones that travel into her life to remind her of her parents. The beautiful keepers that have uniquely remembered her parents and love to remind her of the best of her parents. Who journey into her heart to tell her new stories, new moments, wonderful beautiful memories. These keepers, these lives that live and remember are precious. I wept that she would share the memory that the keeper brought to her. I felt witness to beautiful moment. She shared it with me to remind me that there are many keepers in the lives of my children. And ultimately, the greatest Keeper of all, Jesus, will one day make all things right. He will restore what is broken.

Her words were a balm of kindness to my weary week. Her love in writing will remain beside my bed to be pulled out on the days I forget that this is a good story. Her love is breathtaking, and born from pain. Her love reminds me that the story written uniquely for my children is not a mistake. Blythe is love, Blythe is safe, and she is true and open. I am rich for knowing this beautiful woman.

I cried thankful tears and I folded up my new treasure and placed it beside my bed. Story Jane then came into my room, like she often does in the middle of the night, and she curled up beside me. I cannot remember the last time Story slept near me in the day. I asked her how she knew I needed her snuggles? She said, I just knowed, Mommy. And then she curled up and fell asleep. I was left to wonder over her and cry, simply cry until I fell asleep.

We slept a needful, restoring sleep. We woke to plans of friends and celebrations. I woke knowing I’m surrounded by a cloud of keepers, the Great Keeper, and I moved into living and loving with a new confidence. Those carefully penned words gave me courage to keep moving, keep living, and stop worrying about the forgetting.

Thank you, Blythe. I love you. It was a great, good day the day you entered my life all wrapped up with your new baby—the boy Von who would steal my heart. Life is at its best with you in it. Thank you for being such an intentional keeper of the best of each moment.

I’m surprised I simply kissed him when what I really wanted to do was take a giant bite of the wonder of this young man. I have special treasures I keep of him. Life is meant to be lived together. Thank you for reminding me to keep going, my dear.